burgrs:

what if flies said “hey” every time they flew by your ear 

apertures413thdoctor:

homosuckk:

lnfamy:

dont you fucking talk shit about garlic bread

but bread makes you fat

BREAD MAKES YOU FAT?

Motherfuckers will read a book that’s 1/3 elvish, but put two sentences in Spanish and White people think we’re taking over.
Junot Diaz to the interview question “Do you think using Spanish in your writing alienates some of your readers?” (via spoopyzourry)
thefuuuucomics:

a sentence i thought i would never read in my life

rapewhistled:

why do old people drive slow they barely have any time left like GOOOOO ur dying

marianmaidenrose:

fallingaroundagain:

lupeylycan:

un-balanc-ed:

thatwrongthing:

this shirt would fit if it weren’t for boobs: a tragedy

that shirt would fit if i had boobs: the sequel 

this shirt fits perfectly because my boobs are the right size: the fanfiction

my shirts always fit: a man’s tale

what shirt: a nudist au

benedicts-doublechins:

Okay so a guy held a door open and as I was walking I thought in my head ’ thanks mister attractive face” and then he giggled and I realized it wasN’T IN MY HEAD AND HE JUST KEPT GIGGLING LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD

johnn-watsonn:

snoggedinabox:

johnn-watsonn:

johnn-watsonn:

i pUT FAIRY LIGHTS UP IN MY ROOM ANd tHEYRE STUCK ON EXTREME STROBE AND I CANT STOP THEM

iTS LIKE IM AT A DISCO THIS IS NOT FUN

seems like theres a panic at the disco 

gODDAMN IT THIS IS NOT A JOKE

weedjoke420:

can’t wait till all my friends get married and have nice weddings with open bars